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Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet!
I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
I don’t need anger management training. I need people to stop pissing me off!
Old age is coming at a really bad time!
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment … now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!
The biggest lie I tell myself is … “I don’t need to write things down, because I’ll remember it.”
Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & friends to to help me when I finally snap!
I have gray hair. So surely I must have wisdom.
I want physicians to stop talking and listen when I’m talking.
My people skills are fine. It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
I taught my daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes”.
At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in here for.
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